Centre Staging Herself

As care givers, it’s natural for women to slip into acts that sustain and provide for her family, friends and colleagues at work. When her husband burns the midnight oil preparing for a critical presentation, the cup of hot chocolate arrives without asking. She drops her work to patiently listen to the unending woes of a colleague struggling with a micromanaging boss. Locating the missing sock in a pile of clothes, fixing a loose button on the shirt, ensuring the maids maintain an orderly kitchen, be the first to compromise when there are conflicting demands- she is the glue that keeps the family together. At work; she is quick to detect a change in tone of voice as an indication of hurt or joy. She’s adept at building consensus among her team when perspectives differ widely.

Even though these acts of service consume her time, energy and mind space they are not something that can be showcased or measured in any way. A young mother complained, “My day is busy and I get tired by the end of it. But then I wonder if I’ve really achieved anything?” These are invaluable acts that stitch together the fabric of harmony, stability and order in a unit. Effortlessly she sources her intuition, compassion, creativity in the many roles she plays in both her personal and professional lives.

While multitasking; she ever so often compromises her own desires, her wants, her ‘me time’. Steeped in deep conditioning that others are more important than her, sacrifice at the cost of self-care becomes her driving force. While there is no denying that many women revel in being the psychological anchor for family and teams; there are costs to it as well. In the fulfilment of her worldly duties, nourishment for her inner self runs dry.

Over a period of time there is physical and mental exhaustion, the regret of dashed dreams and the loss of her unique identity.

To further exacerbate her predicament, is the fact that she rarely gets acknowledged or appreciated by others. In a world where the patriarchal mindset is still pervasive, these qualities are a tacit expectation of a woman. Not one to blow her trumpet, she expectantly awaits a gesture of gratitude and encouragement. Even the slightest note rewards her amply as she finds renewed energy to keep going. However, for many women, these gestures are few and far between.

A woman’s power lies in finding the balance between holding her core essence and caring for others around her. A few self-protection and self-preservation steps that she needs to adopt so as to sustain her vitality:

• a) Listen to yourself intently:

  Recognizing and prioritizing her own physical and emotional needs are vital. Actions should be based on what she wishes to do and not on what she should do. I find many women are trapped in the latter and the thought of an extrication seems unthinkable. Guilt and shame overwhelm them. However, what she needs to constantly remind herself of, is that the more she cares for herself, the more of herself she brings to others.

• b) Step up, speak up:

  Sharing dissent respectfully is important; irrespective of what the outcome might be. When voices are not heard others will take her for granted, even if its family or the most well-meaning colleague. Culturally women who speak their mind are scorned at which is why most women hold back. A suppressed voice manifests itself in the damaging form of a sulk, brood or sarcasm.

• c) Weed out toxicity:

  Many women compromise heavily and justify it as serving a larger interest. This should be more the exception than the norm. She needs to consciously keep re-fuelling her reservoir with soulful activities. There is no bravado in mindless sacrifice of one’s instinct for soul expression and satiation. Situations, relationships and activities that deplete her essence need careful examination. What’s worth holding onto and what’s needs to be discarded? Daunting as it may sound walking away from what’s toxic for her, would be a commendable choice that she makes to honour her true self.

For far too long women have stayed in the background as compassionate caregivers but silent sufferers. It’s time to step out, take centre stage to nourish her soul and celebrate her uniqueness.